My mom is ill, and I feel so helpless coz I can’t be with her until weekend. She’s suffering a gastro-related problem, a side effect of her previous ailment impacting her appetite. She’s been really sick since last week. I’ve been breaking down these days, I can’t enjoy my teaching coz my mind keeps thinking and praying for her every time. I really want to go home soon and hug my mom with all my love, so she will feel very happy. Wait for me till Friday, Mom…I’ll fly to Malang to you.
My parents are getting older and older (mom is 75 and dad is 80), and I’m sure many people go through this process. But it’s hard to watch. My dad is still in pretty good health and mom’s just starting to have health problem since last year. But now I excessively worry about losing them. That really drives me nuts. I discussed it with them last Lebaran holiday and they just say that it’s part of life, and to worry about things of this nature prevents me from living my life with my family and everyone else. Tawakkal they said, cause they know I have been a good daughter for them. Good advice, but not always easy to follow and put into motion. I just hate the whole unpredictability of losing them. Yes I know that one has no control over these things. I just need to pray and try and keep as healthy as possible to continue taking care of my family and things in Jakarta and the rest is up to the fate defined by Allah Ta’ala. My dad once asked me: are you no longer tawakkal to Allah? Just keep on praying for her, do things best with your life and Allah will keep the rest. Oh but I feel so helpless now, cause all I want is just to be with them.
Oh Allah, forgive me and my parents, show mercy on them as they have nourished me when I was young, aamiin.