This is to keep a memory of Oma, who passed away in December 2009. Oma is my mother-in-law. Is she perfect? Almost. Am I perfect? No. But we share a love for my husband, her son, that makes us both get along pretty nicely, until she left us for good.

Oma n Faishal
Oma n Faishal

My mother-in-law is a great survivor. Not only did she survive, but she prevailed. Married to Opa and soon moved to Jakarta was truly a challenge for a young woman from Padamaran, and that makes her learned to be a fighter. She raised eight kids with a passion and great patience: the two things I admire most from her.

Basing on my own experince, I just wanna share you some tips to get along with your mother in law:

1. Always remember that she gave birth to a son or daughter that you fell in love with and married. Somewhere along the way she did something very right. Even if she had little to do with how your husband or wife turned out, there was some influence that helped turn him/her into the person you love.

2) All mother-in-law loves her son, like she did to my husband. She cares about him and wants him to be happy. She recognized early on that I was the one who could not only make him happy 9 years ago, but still can today and forever. I also love him and want him to be happy. He is close to his family, and it would be the height of stupidity, not to mention cruelty, for me to try to alienate them.

3) Get your children to know their grandparents. Mostly a mother-in-law can be a terrific grandma to our kids, even if she was a lousy mother. There’s big difference there, so unless she treats our kids badly, give her a chance with them. I used to visit Oma with kids at least twice a month, and that makes my kids adore their grand-mother so much.

4) Try help another family member, like your brother-in-law or sister-in-law, who may need your help to make his/her life bearable. Otherwise you have a tendency to feed off each other’s unhappiness.

5) to be continued….

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